Comments Made During the Contest

Adam Grage (Level 4)

I liked the story. Good tight description. The ending just seems chopped off though and the female voice seems to be just there to explain what we should already know from the first 3 1/2 pages.

If you want to have this female voice as a narrator you ned to establish her earlier in the story. I would use the extra page to flesh this out more. I think with that you'll have a great story here.

Ammar Salmi (Level 5)

I was amazed on how much things have been revealed by the last page. The story took place in the future, where food and water are treasures, jewelry and money are useless, a gun is a life-equal item. Nice job, but...

I don't want to know. I want to see. Telling us how cruel life is at that time is nowhere near showing us. Having another page to fill, I wanted you to put some action in the story.
The man founds them, drags Jessica by the hand like a cannibal. Shawn defend her, get beaten up almost to death. Jessica found the gun. BANG! Now how cool it would be to hear

Femal voice (v.o)
Orphaned siblings, scavenging to
survive. Not unusual in this
lifeless desert.
We were a greedy culture. Now the
old phrase ‘global warming’ sounds
almost charming

That's not me. Audience, readers, producers, directors, they all want to see, not to know.
Good luck ;)

Bill Delehanty (Level 4)

You have some of it written like this:

This time the latch flies off.
They rush to open the top.

...they should be on one or two separate one. I don't know why action lines should ever be on two lines with no break in between.

Brad Huffman Parent (Level 4)

Don't understand the voice over at the end. Is it a narrator, a loudspeaker, who is it? The whole thing is in the attic, then that ending is thrown on us. I appreciate a good Twilight Zone style twist, but this one doesn't fit right for me.

The writing is good up until that ending. You had another whole page to SHOW us the twist, but chose to sum it up in a few lines of VO, and that feels cheap.

Brian Wind (Level 5)

This was pretty cool. I welcome dark themes like this after the family fluff from last month. Not a whole lot to improve on here except maybe using up your extra page to better develop your characters. Overall though, nice work.

Caroline Coxon (Mod Emeritus)

I thought this was very good.

The kids' dialogue was credible, although, given the outcome of the story, I wonder why they thought they shouldn't be in the attic, when everyone still left is scavenging to survive.

It was a great twist that they found money and it was useless to them. I liked the irony that the gun WAS useful.

I'm not sure about the 9/11 reference - I don't know. Did it add anything? I sometimes feel that various events (9/11, Iraq, Afghanistan) are over-used in MP screenplays. It feels to me that it it lacks creativity - these things are used so much they become cliches.

Great job though. A bit like Children of Men.

Charlie Hebert (Mod Emeritus)

Like the thought of the treasure meaning nothing and the tension of the men nearly coming in, but really think "explaining" it all in the end with a voiceover reveal is way too easy. You really need to have other signs of what's going on - like when he looks outside to see the men are gone, at least a hint that things are different.

Your writing is strong, just need to work a little more on telling the story.

Good luck.

Chris Messineo (Founder)

I think you definitely have a very good story idea here. The twist at the end is very cool.

Your craft is a little rough around the edges, but easily fixed. First, the occasional paragraph is okay; no need to create a new line for each short sentence. Second, the VO is a far too easy solution for the reveal. Find another, more creative, and visual way to surprise us in the end. It will have much more power.

I hope I get to read a rewrite of this.

Dawn Calvin (Level 5)

The beginning didn't match the ending. You have us looking at a couple of kids who "look like they have been playing outside all day". I read someplace that you should not try to "fool" the reader. Its a set up that is never realized. Maybe a different description would have worked and set a REAL tone of the script.

Over all the dialogue and the description were good, Not too long and there as plenty of white space which means you know how to edit! ;-)

The concept was good, but the pacing seemed just a bit off.

Elias Farnum (Level 5)

I will say you know your craft, I could visualize this all the way. Technical excellence, except INT/EXT, is that like INTERCUT?

The story itself, well, was a disappointing for me. I would like more action, involvement with the men, what were they there for?

The voice over at the end made me understand your vision of future society. But it didn't make any sense to me until then. I wondered why the children didn't take the money, and were so happy to find the gun, but the voice over clarified it.

I wondered why the men left so easily, I didn't see their need to leave.

Erich VonHeeder (Level 4)

The hardest part about this script is that there isn't really any character development. The whole script is a set-up for the kicker that the children are living in a post-apocolyptic time and not up to simple mischief, but scavenging for survival. That REVEAL moment was the heart and soul of the script and you kind of treaded water for 3 1/2 pages to get there.

Think of the time you spent with them trying to figure out how to open the trunk and the tense moments with the two men. This time could have been spent more on the characters of the children...now that I know there situation, the girl's fear seems odd (surely she's been hardened to this type of threat by now). I don't know...I apologize for the scattered review...my main point I guess is just that I wanted to be a little more intrigued by the kids.

Gary Murphy (Level 3)

So I have to separate the writing from the story here, not something I usually do but in this case I want to. Your writing is superb, It reads like some of the "real" scripts I read that have been turned into major movies. The descriptions are short but say plenty, the action sequences are described perfectly and do their job well and the little dialogue there was just felt right. It was so easy to read and I was hooked right up until the last page.

There however lies my problem with the story, I have just read far to many shorts that go that way. There was no real story arc as such, no conclusion at all. So they are just two kids scavenging for things in a post-apocalyptic (or global warmed) world. The fact that you needed to introduce a voice over at the end to explain it to us should have really told you that the story itself did not work. And no idea why the 9/11 reference??? Was there a meaning here that I missed.

So sorry, this does not score as highly as the excellent writing style maybe deserved. But I am very interested in seeing who this was as I would be eager to read more of your work!

John LaBonney (Level 4)

Well done. This could make a very good short film, although I'm not sure I'm such a big fan of the global warming idea; I would have preferred something like a war, terrorist attack, free market collapse, or asteroid collision to cause society's demise.

Jonathon Terry (Level 3)

This was a good read. There were a few typos and your writing style will not appeal to everyone. Also, I'm not a big fan of the one word dialogue such as "heavy." For a young kid, the phrase "Geez, it's heavy" or something to that effect would fit much better.

The mini twist at the end where the gun was more important that the treasure was very clever. It makes me wish this were a feature length script so I can see what torture this "future" will put the kids through.

Good job!

Kathleen Clevenger (Level 4)

Very interesting, original idea! I love that there is treasure in the trunk, but it is worthless to them. I wonder what they are looking for, though? As a writer, do you know what it is they hope to find in the trunk? As a reader, I am curious. Perhaps cluing us in would make your script even stronger.
Does this take place in the immediate future, or 100 year from now? If it is 100 years from now, it might be worth describing what kind of clothing/hairstyles the kids wear to give us a clue that they aren't from our time period.
At first the two men really confused me, but totally made sense by the end of the script. Nice work!

Kenneth Hurd (Level 4)

I liked the idea that you were going for at the end, however I think it's an idea that could lend itself to some powerful visuals. The idea of those two children trying to survive in a "lifeless desert" is powerful stuff. I would have liked to have seen you focus more on that early on, instead of just mentioning it in a voice over at the end.

Kirwin Sullivan (Level 2)

Awesome ending. That changed everything. The gun was more valuable than the money and jewels. Very enjoyable script. Very good.

Laureen Muller (Level 4)

Good story idea, the value (or lack thereof) of the items in the box drew you in to find out why. Not sure the purpose of the men coming up the stairs, what part did they play? And why were they there? Were the kids there looking for the gun only? Or were they looking for food and shelter too? Any little girl would love jewelry, if not for the non-existing $$ value, for the fun of playing, especially a 10 year old in a world of gloom. A little more conflict of what the (siblings?) or friends wanted would have given more credence (i.e. Jessica the fun of the jewelry, Shawn the gun) then the 2 men coming up and going down the stairs with no involvement in the story and no significance except for the reason to hide; they could have found the “iron rib” another way that brought a conflict to life.

Leigh Fenty (Level 3)

Good idea. I think it could have been presented a little better. Formatting was a little strange. Maybe should have condensed your description a little and used the extra room to expand on the story.

Lewayne White (Level 4)

Interesting. I realize the VO at the end explains the post-apocalyptic situation, but who is supposed to be speaking?

Margaret Avnet (Level 4)

While you do a good job at description, I think you should put it in paragraph format, not individual sentences. You did have a typo, where Shawn is trying to pry open the trunk. You forgot to put in the word times.

I'm assuming this is a post global warming world. Are you trying to illustrate that this would be the same as if the world was devastated by nuclear war? It seems though quite a few people are still around. So I don't understand why the money wouldn't be of importance?

And while you illustrate fear in the children when the two men almost come up the attic, I think you can take it further in explaining why they are afraid of these men.

Margaret Ricke (Level 5)

Very interesting and well written.

First, you didn't make use of a title page. It doesn't count as part of your script so it's a more spatially economic way to go. When you only have 5 pages to write a complete script you need every available line for your story.

I didn't like the use of the woman's V.O. to explain how it came to this. It would work better if you started out with the same V.O. technique, but I think you could come up with a better treatment entirely.

Normally I stay away from indepth physical descriptions, just as you did here. I think this story could be an exception to the rule, though. I think a longer description would have proven expository rather than frivolous. Just enough more detail so we have an inkling that their appearances are important somehow... And they should have backpacks. They have to be able to carry any supplies they find.

I'd like to see something in Jessica's behavior or dialogue that hints more at her fear of being trapped in the attic...that she really doesn't want to get caught doing whatever they're doing up there.

I'd have stretched out going through the contents of the box a little. Maybe have them tossing the "valuables" interspersed with finding some insignificant object(s) they keep before they find the gun. Something to indicate more fully that they're looking for something more valuable to them than money - a butterknife or a spoon, a spool of thread and a needle - something everyday and ubiquitous that leaves your audience wondering what the heck they'd want with that...

You made a few proofing errors - you left out "times" in "Shawn tries several to pry..." and at the top of page 2 you left an "s" off of "find." Maybe more I'm missing , but nothing significant regardless.

I didn't like the use of the word "submerges" at the end, but that's totally subjective on my part.

Again, I really didn't like the use of the V.O. at the end. I think having the kids talk about where they're going next - "North. It's supposed to be cooler there..." - Might work if done right. Maybe have a tighter shot of them putting their backpacks back on and then the final view of them loping off through the desolate cityscape as the camera pulls back. I know, I know...no camera shots or angles in a first draft, but you get my meaning...

Marnie Mitchell Lister (Level 5)

I like the idea here. Two kids fighting for their lives after the earth falls victim to Global Warming. But it seems strange that there was a trunk filled with money and jewelry and 9-11 coins...and a gun.

And how can two kids make it easily into the attic but two grown men can't? I think there needs to be more tension there. And instead of having a voice over a the end telling us what happened, why not show us. How about when the kids leave the house the destruction around them is revealed. Seems too much of a give-away to have it all revealed by a voice over.

Keep working on it. It's got potential!! :)

Matias Caruso (Level 5)

It was interesting how this kids discarded stacks of bills and jewelery as “nothing”. It think you should have opened directly with this scene; it’s quite hooking.

An interesting apocalyptic setting but, I felt like the script was a bit thin on story. I was a bit hard to connect with these kids since, it isn’t till the very end of the script that understood what was happening here and what they were doing.

Revealing the apocalyptic setting in the end as a twist is a cool idea, but until you get there, you’ve got to hook the audience with something else.

Perhaps you could focus on these kids and their dramatic journey a bit more. What are they looking for (goal) why it’s so important to get it (stakes) and what obstacles they have to overcome (something more difficult than having to pry open a trunk).

I’m not too fond of the V.O. at the end; the message here is too straightforward, almost preachy. You’ve got a very interesting theme here, but I think you should try to make your point with a bit more subtlety.

Michael Leath (Level 3)

On the first page you have an examples of gramatical and spelling issues.

"Out climb(s) Shawn."
"Each have the red hue..." This also could have been has.

The story was about a barren world where children scavenge for food and water. You chose to use a barren descriptive approach to set the table. While this might have borne fruit, the way it was applied made the reading uneven. It felt more like the staccato report from a machine gun rather than a flowing narrative which painted the picture in a compelling way.

Foreshadow and subtext would have been a device well employed here. How could you have set-up the near lifeless world so when we find this is a time where our avarice is paying us back in kind the impact would have been more defined?

What could you have done to indicate the struggle the children have with existence by using subtext?

I very much liked the story's footprint. The plot and it's point has something. However, I am not certain your delivery is due to the style of writing such a short piece requires, or there is another reason you chose to frame this piece as such.

Good plot. The voice of the piece needs some polishing.

Neal Barringer (Level 0)

the first two pages held my suspense for a long time. then, some poor story choices yanked me right out.

Plot: it was engaging, but left a few unanswered questions. maybe you intended that? or, maybe you'll read through it in a month or two (after the material becomes fresh and new again) and you'll see the gaping plot holes.
Character: I felt each character had unique voices.
Setting: I assume this takes place sometime in the faraway future. you never really said when it takes place. Shawn finds a tarnished, 9/11 commemorative coin and puts no value in it hints of the setting being 50-100 years from now. I just don't know.
Style, tone, language: you lost style points by having an outside man and a stairway man, neither of which moved the story forward. they didn't add much conflict to the situation. they didn't expose or foreshadow any character traits of Shawn or Jessica. tone was also unclear. I couldn't quite graps what Shawn and Jessica were looking for. Shawn was excited about a revolver, not excited about bills, gold, or jewelry. the world you created has changed from what we put value on, I got that. But, why is Shawn putting so much value on a revolver? what's he going to do with it? there's certainly no need to rob more houses - all he will find is worthless bills, gold, and jewelry.

with a little more attention to detail, this piece will be engaging and entertaining.

Patrick Sweeney (Level 4)

Nice 'Twilight Zone' feel to this one. The sunburns are some clever foreshadowing. Dialogue & action text are tight & clear. No major style or format issues noted. Good dramatic tension with the offscreen intruders.

Use of voice-over narration at the end seems kind of abrupt if you're not already thinking of it as a Twilight Zone-ish short.

Paul Jaworsky (Level 4)

Interesting story here. The title became clearer to me as I approached the end of the story. I definitely like what you're trying to convey here but I think the script needs work. Your action lines need to be more specific. When you say "Takes the iron bar" add "She" in front just for clarification. Also, Man #1 and Man #2 work better than Stairway Man and Outside Man. I was also a little confused about the September 11, 2001 commemorative coins. Was this an alternative future due to events of 911? Do you use screenwriting software? If not look into it. When a character has dialogue followed by an action line and the same character follows with more dialogue (cont'd) should be next to the name. Also, take advantage of the full 5 pages if necessary, it might help the story.

Paul Williams (Level 5)

Very "Twilight Zone," right down to the closing third-person V.O., but that's a good thing. Formatted perfectly, well-written, easy to follow.

One suggestion- You get the feeling almost immediately that Shawn and Jessica are in some weird situation where they're in danger. Perhaps if you give more of the perception that they are just an average brother and sister living in a child's care-free, playful world, then the reveal that they're actually in this post-apocalyptic nightmare-world would be more impactful. I know you only got 5 pages to work with, but it's just a thought.

Now that I've read all this month's scripts, this is in my top three to five, but sadly we can't judge like that. I only score a "Very Good" sparingly and score an "Excellent" when something knocks me onto the floor, which isn't often.

Good job!

Philip Whitcroft (Level 5)

I like this. The disinterest in money is jarring and intriguing. The apocalyptic ending works well and you've got good tension in here. I'm not totally sure that the final voice over works for me because it is a voice from nowhere that conveniently explains everything. A visual explanation that doesn't necessarily tell everything might work better.

"Shawn tries several to pry" - Missing a "times" here.

"He bangs on the lid in frustration.
Sits down in defeat."
The way you have formatted lines like the one above is not the worst thing ever but it is unconventional. It wouldn't hurt to have these in one line or if you really like white space then have a line between them.

"submerges down the stairs" - Is a slightly odd phrase.

Pia Cook (Level 5)

I thought this one was good.
I never suspected it was in the future until the end. I was wondering why they were not excited about finding the treasure, but the ending explained all that.

So good job!

Sally Meyer (Moderator)

One of my favorites this month. I like the story, and I was surprised at the ending, which is a good thing. I like a twist at the end.

The formatting was a little off. That doesn't really bother me, but it might bother a potential producer or buyer.

What I enjoyed about the story is the feel of it, you get sucked into caring about these poor children and their dilemma.

The contrast between taking money or the gun, speaks volumes.

Nice job.

Shaheryar Ahmed (Level 3)

Nice but it really did not grip me. I couldn't understand it aswell. Where did all the money come from? I guess the two men were there to get it. I am really confused.
Anyway I think the format was somewhat not right. It was nice visually. I could see everything that you described. Shawns fear. The area around the house. It was really good but conceptually...
It was probably not for me.

Stan Askew (Level 3)

Would fare far better without the ending VO. I'm sure you could find another way to get that info into the story.

Stephen Brown (Level 5)

I liked this, a nice message to it.

I suggest having a V.O at the start too, just to tie the whole thing together.

It was a breeze to read but more than the average amount of typos. Also you were doing some funky technique with your formatting - breaking up a section of action by putting it on a separate line immediately below. I haven't seen that before so I'm guessing it's wrong (not marking you down for it though, because I kinda liked the technique, speeded up the read.)

Overall, really liked it but typos and a disjointed V.O were the only faults. VERY GOOD

Stina Carlstedt (Level 3)

Effective twist at the end. Well written all the way through. You had an extra page so maybe you could have elaborated a bit on the two men either by making it more scary or by faking us out a bit more by suggesting it was the parents. Something about the dialogue between the children doesn't really sit right with me but I can't nail down what it is (so a really helpful comment; sorry...)

Sylvia Dahlby (Level 5)

Very good. The characters were believable if a little chatty (trim that dialog), but it kept me interested wondering where it was going to go. The fact the kids passed up the gold was my first clue they were in some different kind of world. I liked everything about this until the very end, then the VO ruined it by having to explain it for me. Until that moment, the story was told in the relationship between the characters, I would have rather seen the kids leave the attic, elude the bad guys in the house (and seen them scavaging too) or scavage the rest of the house themselves... or even meet their friends who made some comment about the "before time." Without the VO summation, I might have rated this Excellent.

Tony Oldham (Level 4)

A good idea, but not so sure that you managed to pull it off.

I loved the opening. it really got my attention and kept me hooked. First page for me was very good. Then your basic descriptive writing and action also works well.

Storywise, I like where you took it. I think playing about with the structure might help slightly; appreciate that the ending is where you want the surprise to be.

William Bienes (Mod Emeritus)

I'm not a big fan of the Female voice over at the end, feels 'campy' to me to summarize the ending. Not only that, there is no need for it with the visuals there and the trunk of 9/11 commemorative coins.

Why wouldn't the man continue in the attic?

Some of your action lines are not formatted properly, breaking off onto the next line.

I would have liked a greater sense of conflict aside from the outset, with the man threatening to go into the attic.

William Coleman (Level 5)

I have mixed feelings about your script. I like its sense of reality. However, I am not convinced that your shock ending is organic to your script. In theatre we call it "playing fair." That does not mean that you should give away your ending images of a barren, empty world. It means you should subtly foreshadow it to the point the viewer-reader says, "Aha! Why didn't I see that?"

I am not sure what the 2 men accomplish in the overall scheme of your script. I think finding riches in a world where they mean nothing would be quite enough. Right now all they do is add a little suspense and danger.

While I did not grade you down on formatting, you tend to have two directions, a space, then two more. Some of these would be better as a short paragraph, some as a SERIES OF SHOTS, single spaced each preceded with a dash -.

You dialog has life to it, but somehow this doesn't hold together as a single piece to me. Perhaps at the end you might have them going outside and throwing the money about playfully? Just an idea. There is impact to be had in a world where wealth means nothing. I think that's where you should aim any rewrite of this.

Comments Made After the Contest

Michael Rome (Level 4) ~ 9/19/2008 10:51 AM

A few people wanted to see a rewrite of thie piece, and I agreed that the concept was worth it, so I have posted the rewrite. Let me know what you think.

Thanks, Michael

Michael Rome (Level 4) ~ 9/19/2008 10:58 AM

Don't forget that to view the rewrite, you have to click on the date "9/09/08".

Thanks, Michael

Paul Williams (Level 5) ~ 9/19/2008 11:35 AM

This was one of my favorites from last month, I will definitely give the rewrite a read, tell ya what I think.

Rustom Irani (Moderator) ~ 9/19/2008 12:03 PM

Since I didn't read the original the re-write is a fresh story to me.

I love the tension you create. Excellent use of sound and actions to stretch out the drama. The foreshadowing with the men shouting out about the tribe was good.

A little more hint at the apocalyptic aftermath outside, would enhance the opening. Perhaps a few dead rodent bones litter the attic or even human remains from the last people who sheltered here. (The petrified corpse was good later on)

Your intention might be to do a slow reveal and the moment they show disinterest in the cash and jewelery works quite well too.

The worn billboard proclaiming global warming doesn't work as a dramatic prop. Perhaps a frayed banner across the billboard or in the backyard. Or Grafitti across an advertising billboard.

Leaving Anchorage Alaska, is a great final image.

I like your style. It reminds me of my own western short, "The Patch-up Kid" I wrote here at MP.

Look forward to more of the same.

Michael Rome (Level 4) ~ 9/19/2008 12:17 PM

Thanks Rusty. I will read "The Patch-up Kid" when I get a chance.

Rustom Irani (Moderator) ~ 9/19/2008 12:27 PM

You don't have to. Just mentioned it. I did enjoy your script. Your bio is very interesting Michael. Attorney and Poker expert, that is a lethal combination.

Add screenwriter to that and it's gonna be an enjoyable read.

Rustom Irani (Moderator) ~ 9/19/2008 12:31 PM

You did add screenwriter. Not the brightest light-bulb, am I?

Paul Williams (Level 5) ~ 9/19/2008 12:40 PM

Wow, that's quite an addition to the ending!

I hate to do this to you, Mike, but I think I might like the original a little better. As I've previously stated this was one of my top three favorites of last month. I loved the "Twilight Zone" feel to it and the reveal at the end. (And there wasn't a dead body in the trunk.)

My only small criticism of the original was that while I was reading I got the feeling that this wasn't the average brother and sister just curiously snooping through the attic. I got the sense that they were in some weird, possibly dangerous situation, and as it turned out, they certainly were. It was my humble opinion to maybe hide a little more, without creating a total disbelievable plot-hole, then the reveal could pack a little more punch. Now, this might not have been your goal at all, it's just my point of view.

My point being, with the rewrite, I got the sense sooner and even more-so that Jessica and Shawn were in trouble or danger. Now, this could be that I am pre-conditioned having read the original, but I did try to read it as if I was completely unfamiliar with the story. And again, this might now be your intention at all.

I really liked the ending of the original and didn't mind the voice-over, even though I know they catch a ton of heat. It added to the "Twilight Zone" feel I love. Having a confrontation with the Men now does add more intense conflict, especially with Jessica shooting and killing the lead-guy, it might just be a little too much for me having a ten year-old girl forced to kill a man, even in self-defense. Their current and future situation is so grave and bleak, this just bummed me out a little more.

I also really liked the "Leaving Anchorage Alaska" sign, great addition!

The writing overall, not that it really needed it, was much more fluid, good job with that. Any questions or disgreeements, feel free to ask.

Michael Rome (Level 4) ~ 9/19/2008 12:46 PM

Thanks Paul. Like you, I didn't have a much of a problem as others did with the voice over, but I grew-up watching 'Twilight Zone'.

I may re-consider adding the voice over again at the end of the rewrite.

Glad someone appreciates this piece and concept as much as I do. (I'm afraid I'm one of my biggest fans.)

Rustom Irani (Moderator) ~ 9/19/2008 1:21 PM

That's the best part of this site. You'll find that many people like certain styles while others don't. It gives an accurate representation of the world outside.

Most films always have a varying fan base.

Being your own fan isn't that bad a thing. Gives you more conviction when some reviews seem harsh. You move on to the next months contest.

You also did the right thing by re-writing what you felt was a strong script. It is a very cathartic process.

Brad Huffman Parent (Level 4) ~ 9/19/2008 2:55 PM

I like this ending SO much better! I gave the first version a GOOD because while the ending didn't work for me, I still sensed something really good in there waiting to jump out. And now it has jumped out and smacked me hard in the face. I'd give this version the high end of VERY GOOD.

“Leaving Anchorage Alaska” is the perfect ending for this. Makes it so much more powerful and meaningful.

Michael Rome (Level 4) ~ 9/19/2008 3:51 PM

So Brad...what would I need to do to get you into an Excellent today? :)

Margaret Ricke (Level 5) ~ 9/19/2008 4:32 PM

I LOVE this! Really excellent work!

Michael Rome (Level 4) ~ 9/19/2008 4:35 PM

Thanks Margaret, and thanks for your input, which I used in the rewrite.

Brad Huffman Parent (Level 4) ~ 9/19/2008 6:46 PM

"So Brad...what would I need to do to get you into an Excellent today? :)"

I've been here since December 2007 and I've only ever given 4 Excellent's. A Very Good from me is worth about 5 Excellent's from other people.

I think I may be one of the reasons Chris started the "Excellent is not perfect" thread.

Rustom Irani (Moderator) ~ 9/20/2008 4:32 AM

Thanks for reading "The Patch-up Kid" Michael.

Yes. Deadwood was one of the sources of inspiration.